Relationship Boundaries: Are We Dating?
I believe there should be a process to this relationship thing. I had to battle with the difference between dating and being in a relationship at a point in my life. They’re technically the same right? Maybe relationship is quite general. I wasn’t sure what stages are there before we move up the notch and get really serious.
In this post I’m addressing relationship boundaries with my experience. I’ve dated a whole lot of guys (I think) in my short period of living and this comes with a truck load of ‘I wish…’ followed up by negatives.
My mind decided to bring forward a forgotten file in my relationship diary. A young girl that attracted a young guy that walks up to her and tell her he likes her. He ends up getting her number and calling her before the end of that day to have their first outing.
I wasn’t looking for a relationship and I’m sure I just left one around the time. I sincerely wasn’t interested. I love making new friends, he likes me, so we can be friends first. So I thought.
This outing was filled with questions (which I expected) since most guys don’t know how to hold a conversation without asking questions. Painful part is, you try to be more detailed in order to get him to do the same but the answers ends up being brief with, “….there’s really nothing to say, with time you’ll get to know me.” (Boring!)
With this guy, there was a good chance we could make good friends. He looked kind. We talked days after that with constant requests to see me. Then the night where he really wanted to hold my hand came up (in my head I was like, 👎) we haven’t gotten there.
He didn’t ask me out, he only said he liked me. He didn’t even say we should be friends, he only told me he didn’t really have friends. So, I had to keep asking myself, “why am I seeing this guy anyway?”
We were friends (I thought) but then I liked him. I wanted to see how this would play out, maybe I’ll like him enough to date him when he’s ready to ask me to take it further.
I should have gotten the hint when he eventually got to hold my hand and put his hands on my shoulders. Some of my male friends do that but… Mr. started investing in the ‘relationship’ and buying me things frequently.
Then the part that got me staggering was the conversation we had a month later. He said he was sure I was his wife, that he has prayed… His confidence deserves an applause because I was convinced he knew what he was saying.
Well, for some reason I believed him because I was so sad. Like I felt God had disappointed me with this guy. Ah! Is this all God has to offer me? He kept talking and painting pictures that I couldn’t see.
Are we not going to date first? He was all about marriage and how he can’t wait to ‘do the right thing’. I didn’t know what to say, so I settled for, “I’ll pray about it.” Ah! Pray indeed.
Fast forward, he invited me to his church for a camp program . An ‘opportunity’ to ‘pray’ about things. Alas! It was a set up.
I found myself attending programs alone and practically not seeing him. When I did, it was really brief. When he attended programs with me, he ends up sleeping off on my shoulder. Most of the time, I felt played by God. What’s going on here?
He introduced me to his cousin, though I didn’t understand the introduction. Few jokes here and there, that was it. Until later that day, his ‘cousin’ called me to end up asking me out later that night. Apparently, they were not blood related.
He took me to his family within the camp and in few minutes, I was asked to go on my knees to great my in-laws. I knelt for every member of his family and was presented as the ‘wife to be’. They were even trying to pick the job I’ll do when I ‘enter their house’.
That scared a whole lot out of me. What does this mean? Do I get to be asked questions on what I want or if I’m even interested in being a girlfriend? I panicked.
It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal but as a Yoruba girl, everything is sort of a big deal traditionally. Suddenly, I felt scammed. I have a say in all this for Pete’s sake. Why would I allow some guy make me feel he dictates what happens between us? I received sense enough to play along until the program ended.
Can’t remember how he got my Mum’s number but he became a pest. He called my mum to ask why I stopped picking his calls. Like a husband to be to his mother in-law 😂
My mum was petrified by the persistence of the calls. Eventually I had to get him off my mothers neck. I asked him, “Are we dating?” He said, “Yes, of course. Why would I introduce you to my family?”
“When did you ask me to date you?”
“I told you what God told me…” he said.
I wasn’t going to have him pull God into this unnecessary conversation. Long and short, I had to get him out of my life. I couldn’t get over the kneeling for his family part, I was super embarrassed.
Define your relationships. Don’t assume and don’t let the guy assume. Let everything be as plain as day, that way you can monitor what’s really going on.
Do you have any weird experience like this, leave comments below.
Till I write to you again,
Lots of love,